Well it's 4:30 AM and I have been up since 1:30. I usually don't have trouble sleeping but tonight is different. I have been in a bad place lately. This usually means that I will slip up but I am trying to keep strong. In trying to keep strong, my attitude has been rotten. I am short tempered and very irritable. That also means that me and my wife are fighting. It always seems that when I get like this, I take it out on her. I don't mean to but it seems that I look for things to get mad at. For example, I know the other night she was online talking with some friends from high school, one of them an ex-boyfriend. So I went snooping looking for the message history and she had erased it. So my mind started coming up things possibly talked about and they were not good. First of all I know I should trust her and not snoop, that is my fault. She has never done anything to betray my trust (unlike me). I love her and trust her but I sometimes feel that I am not good enough and she looking for an answer elsewhere. After all, look at what I have put her through.
Self-pity and insecurity sucks. How do you change those feelings of insecurity? How do you feel confident in yourself?
I guess since it almost 5, I will take a shower and go into work early so that way I can then leave early and take a nap :)
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2 comments:
Building trust in a relationship is the responsibility of both sides. If your wife is deleting her chat history then that's not a good sign. I am not saying that she's guilty but she is encouraging secrecy with her behaviour. You should face her with this issue.
First of all, thanks for reading. My wife and I had a long talk yesterday. She claims that she never deleted it and I trust her. She has always been honest with me. I guess what I am afraid of is not her physically cheating on me but the emotional cheating scares me, her confiding in someone else.
Now with that said, I tend to project my guilt onto others. Not that I talk with ex-girlfriends but I tend to think, since I am hiding feelings and keeping secrets she must be doing the same thing.
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